Eloping in Hawaii is quite possibly one of the most exciting and amazing experience you will have in your entire life. It provides space and time for an intimate experience, it lets you be creative and break away from a “traditional wedding” that might not be you, and after you are in one of the most sought after honeymoon destinations in the world!

While the pros are definitely abundant, I hear a lot from couples planning their elopement experience that they struggle having the elopement be just the two of them for fear of offending their family and friends who didn’t get an invite.

The definition of an elopement is constantly changing, and really is just an interpretation of the experience you want to have. Whether it’s just the two of you, you two and your parents, you two and your 10 closest friends, or you two and your 5 dogs (yes, I’ve shot that before too) the bottom line is do what you want to do. It’s been a trend for years, but especially after the pandemic, all ideas of a “traditional wedding” are out the door, and having a ceremony that you feel is uniquely YOU is the most important thing of all.

I shot large weddings for many years and honestly there was a time where I almost changed my business card to “Photographer / Family Therapist.” Countless times a family member (not the bride or groom) had a vision for the big day, and it differed tremendously from what the couple actually wanted. People would get upset, feelings would get hurt, and I’d be in the middle trying to relax the couple into the right headspace to start their marriage on the right foot.

Now that I’ve moved back to Kauai, elopements and intimate weddings are my main priority, mostly because of the opportunity to capture more meaningful moments on wedding day. The love between the couple is more important than anything else on this day, and I want to help steer you in the right direction. Also since the pandemic, many of my couples cancelled their large weddings and are instead opting for eloping with close family.

Below, I’m going to explain the good and bad of having a small elopement. Please note that every family is different, and you have to decide for yourself how your big day to go, and this is just what I have experienced so far as a Hawaii elopement photographer.

The Good:

Let’s start with the positives because I think that everyone has good intentions when they’re in the presence of an elopement.

1. You will feel at ease. Eloping with your family in an intimate setting can be one of the most beautiful experiences you will ever have. Seeing the joy on the faces of your parents and closest friends is incredibly meaningful.

2. They will feel important. Your loved ones will feel special that you chose to have them there.

3. It will be a memory you share with them forever. There’s really no better reason to have everyone attend than the lifelong memory of you committing to your partner with your loved ones around you.

The Bad:

1. Even if you elope, it’s basically impossible to avoid opinions. Family members will have opinions about the location, the vows, the hotel you booked for everyone, where to eat, etc.

2. Having family there can affect logistics and flexibility. With two people, it’s no problem to jump in a truck and go off-roading early in the morning to get to an amazing sunrise elopement. If rain comes in, we can easily wait it out or find another location. Also, older parents or grandparents may not adjust to the heat or humidity as quickly, and lots of walking to a beach or up the mountain might be a lot on them.  

3. Guests will limit your location options, especially with COVID-19 restrictions. The most scenic ceremony sites are a little remote and out of the way. Many of them are pretty small and might require some hiking or climbing around rocks to get the most impressive background in your photos. Some beaches or cliffs might have enough space for the two of you, the officiant, and the photographer to stand, but not enough space for 6 others for the whole ceremony. To get to some of these locations, everyone needs 4 wheel drive, which means you might be renting up to 4 Jeeps. There’s also usually at least one person or child coming who doesn’t want to hike, which will also reduce your location choices. 

4. Your family will be at your honeymoon. When couples have a destination wedding here, they are normally honeymooning here as well. So if you bring your family, they will be around for the honeymoon also because everyone is trying to make a vacation out of it. So having some alone time might be tough.

5. It is waaaaaaay more expensive. Depending on the airline, the cost of plane tickets to Kauai can be anywhere between $500-1,000. If you get married during the busy season lodging not only costs more, but it gets a lot more crowded, which means fewer places to elope. The cost of everything is higher here in Hawaii because everything has to be shipped here, so food, gas, and other things are more than you think. Getting around the island requires a car, and as of writing this blog post there’s a huge shortage of rental cars so prices are high and no rental company has a car until 6 months from now.

Here are 4 tips to not offend family when you elope:

1. Live stream the ceremony. Many elopement locations have adequate cell phone reception to hold a live stream, so having everyone you want witness from afar is a great option.

2. Write letters to those loved ones you wanted to bring and have them open it on your wedding day.

3. Send coconuts from where you elope. Yes, this is a real thing; USPS will deliver coconuts anywhere in the US.

4. Have a party with your close friends and family when you return. In the background, run a projector shuffling through all your great elopement photos throughout the night.

The definition of “elopement” is constantly changing, and there are a ton of people who haven’t heard of a destination or adventure elopement. Help us break the negative stigma that eloping has. When they see your photos afterward, they will all understand! If your parents are against the idea, sit down with them and explain why you want to elope. Reassure them that it’s not because you don’t want them there, and you respectfully want their support to start your marriage off in a way that is most important to you. It will give your marriage a stronger foundation than acting like you’re enjoying a 150-person wedding that you don’t want to be the center of attention at. 

I am happy to give you more advice about eloping with just the two of you, and not upsetting your friends and family. Send me an email at any time with whatever questions you may have. Also visit the blog for more helpful articles about eloping in Hawaii.